The Queen of the Imps

and her most eminent domain

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And I'm already faltering on my pledge to keep this checking/using this thing. Go me.

Coming up is The Week of Weddings; my cousin Will is getting married tomorrow, then my family friend Tracy is getting married next weekend. Which meant that today was spent running around getting my nails done and my hair chopped and buying cheap makeup. WHEEE.

Am getting more and more frustrated with myself. Haven't been productive at all this summer; I'm still in summer vacation mode even though I'm out of school. Which means that whenever I relax I've got the constant self-criticizing voice going, telling me I don't deserve to. But then when I try to accomplish something, it tells me whatever I'm making doesn't look good enough, and why am I drawing on copy paper anyway, why can't I buy more oh wait because I can't drive to the art store, and why don't I have my license yet that's ridiculous, and shouldn't you be applying for jobs and getting your license, and didn't you say you'd make more business cards and leave-behinds, and how are you ever going to get paid for art if all your work is retail, and shouldn't you be more motivated, and aren't all your college friends better at this than you (and why haven't you seen them, you suck at keeping up with everyone and you're going to lose them all as friends because even if you wanted to see them you can't drive....)

The constant noise in my head is really really driving me up the wall, and it only seems to calm down when I'm out with people when I'm out with friends or (I can't believe I'm saying this) at work.

I don't even know what to do about it.

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I hear the same voice. Well not the same voice, clearly, but I know what you mean. It's a broken record criticizing me no matter what's going on, telling me who I am and what I am doing is not good enough, and reminding me how far from my goal and the life I want I am. Then there's an added pessimistic voice that tells me I will never be who I want or get the life I want and maybe I should give up completely and I should drown out the other voice with really loud music... which doesn't work anyway.

Am glad to know I am not the only one afflicted with the self-criticizing, pessimistic voices. ;3; Maybe your voices and my voices should get together and hang out so they'll leave us alone for a while.

They can have some daiquiris and get drunk and when they return to us can be positive, encouraging voices instead.

I vote we drink the daiquiris and get so hammered we can't hear them 8D

I don't have money for daiquiris. :(

I shall pay for your daiquiris! :D

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